Well, i took me a woman late last night I's three fourths drunk, she looked all right Just started peelin' off her onion gook She took off her wig, said, "How do i look?'' I's high flyin', bare naked, out the window. Well, sometimes i might get drunk Walk like a duck an smell like a skunk Dont hurt me none, dont hurt my pride Cause i got my little lady right by my side. She's tryin to hide pretendin' she dont know me. I's out there paintin' on the ol' woodshed When a can of black paint it fell on my head I went down to scrub an rub But i had to sit in back of the tub. Cost a quarter, half price. Well, my telephone rang it wouldn't stop It was president Kennedy callin' me up He said, "My friend Bob What do we need to make the country grow?'' I said, "My friend John, Brigitte Bardot Anita Ekberg, Sophia Loren, country'll grow!'' Well, i got a woman five feet short She yells an' hollers an' screams an shorts She tickles my nose an pats me on the back Rolls me over an kicks me outta bed. She's a man eater, meat grinder, bad loser. Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time I got a woman who works herself blind Works up to her britches, up to her neck Writes me letters an send me checks. She's a hum dinger, folksinger. Late one day in the middle of the week Eyes were closed, i's half asleep I chased me a woman up the hill Right in the middle of an air road drill. I jumped a fallout shelter I jumped a string bean I jumped the tv dinner I jumped a shot gun. Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note He's out there preachin' in' front of the steeple Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people. He's eatin' bagels, he's eatin' pizzas, he's eatin' chitlins. Oh, set me down on the television floor I'll flipped the channel up to number four Out of the shower comes a football man With a bottle of oil in his hand Greasy kid stuff What i wanna know Mr football man is What do you do about Willy Mays, Martin Luther King, Olatunji? Well, the funniest woman i have ever seen Was the great granddaughter of Mr Clean She takes about fifteen baths a day Wants me to grow a moustache on my face She's insane. Well, you ask me why i'm drunk all the time It levels my head an' eases my mind I just walk along an' stroll an sing I see better days an' i do better things I catch dinosaurs Make love to Elisabeth Taylor Catch hell from Richard Burton.