The following are the audio of various jokes Bob’s made during concerts, usually while introducing the band.  Some are transcribed, others not yet, but all transcriptions are approximate.

1980-11-16 – That Was Me.mp3 “As we were standing out back waitin’, this guy comes up to me.  He said, ‘You remember that woman who came up to you about an hour ago – had long, red hair?  And I said, ‘Yeah, I remember that woman.’  He said, ‘She sure was beautiful, wasn’t she?’  I said, ‘Yeah, she was alright.’  He said, ‘That was me!'”

1987-12-08 – Joan Osborne.mp3 “Me and Joan, we’re going to sing a song…”  (allegedly, Joan got up to take the stage, then Bob continued) “… but it’s not going to be tonight.”

1991-06-06 – Wiggle-Wiggle.mp3 (during a particularly lengthy intro to Wiggle-Wiggle)  “This is my latest hit off of my latest record.  This song usually gets played for about – ah – maybe a day or two.  We’re just going to play it for a little while.”

1999-07-03 – Mimi-Meme.mp3 “My first girlfriend came from here.  Yeah.  She was so conceited, I used to call her Mimi (me-me).”

1999-07-06 – Supperman.mp3 “I was over at the Motown museum today.  I was looking for all the Smoky Robinson stuff.  I asked a guy where all the Smoky Robinson stuff was.  He said ‘I don’t know, but do you know what happens to Clark Kent when he gets hungry?’  I said ‘What?’  He says, ‘He turns into Supper-man.'”

1999-07-11 – Charlie’s Cell Phone.mp3 “Charlie went over to the Hamilton county jail today to see his cousin, and bring him a ‘cell phone.'”

1999-07-14 – Rock & Roll.mp3 “Larry was talkin’ to Neil Young today, and Neil was telling him, ‘There is no more rock & roll.’   And Larry told him, ‘Neil, you gotta put a stone up to one ear and a hamburger bun up to the  other”

2000-03-30 – Bicycle for his wife.mp3 “Tony was here once before.  He got a bicycle for his wife.  I told him, that was a good trade.”

2001-10-13 – No drummer at all.mp3 “…one of the few drummers alive who’s better than no drummer at all…”

2001-11-09 – Dave’s Boots.mp3 “And the drummer, in case you’re wondering what’s that written on his boot, those are his footnotes.”

2004-04-12 – Broken home.mp3 “Fuzzy comes from a broken home.  His kids break everything in the house.”

2004-04-14 – Empty Stomache.mp3 “Freddy was writing a letter to his wife last night on an empty stomache.  I told him, ‘Freddy, you gotta use paper!'”

2004-08-20 – Doin’ Nothin’.mp3 “On the drums, a good friend of mine – there’s nothin’ he wouldn’t do for me, and there’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do for him.  That’s the way we go through life, doin’ nothin’ for each other.”

2004-10-31 – No Body.mp3 “Larry went out trick-or-treatin’ tonight, and he dressed up like a skeleton, but he didn’t go because he couldn’t find no-body to go with him.”

2004-11-03 – George’s Snakes.mp3 “George is from Louisiana.  He’s got a bunch of snakes.  Every time it rains, he puts them on the windshield of his car – calls ’em windshield vipers.”

2004-11-17 – Stew’s Cow.mp3 “Stew’s actually from around here – he’s got a little farm outside of town.  He’s got a cow out there, he puts him on the scale – he wanted to see how much the milky weighed

.”

And this one is from the May 21 ’08 concert here in my home town of Halifax, when he just started making up fake bios for some of the band…

2008-05-21 – Band Bios.mp3 “Thank you, fans!  I wanna introduce my band right now.  On the guitar is Denny Freeman.  Denny’s from Austin, Texas.  He’s a criminal attorney down there.  Donny Herron is a-playin’ on the steel guitar.  Donny’s from Brazil – doesn’t speak a word of English, but he communicates very well without having to.” (etc)

Most of the clips are from the complation bootleg ‘Was That Some Kind of Joke?‘ by LLTF at Hungercity.org For more jokes by Bob, check the definitive list at http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html.